QLife introduces you to a legend on the LGBT entertainment circuit — comedienne and beauty pageant winner, Miss Richfield 1981. 

QLife: Could you tell us a little bit about yourself? From where do you hail? And, how did you become Miss Richfield 1981?

MR1981: I am a beauty professional from Richfield, Minnesota, a first-ring suburb of Minneapolis, where butter is a spice, and gravy is a beverage. Richfield has a long history of quality beauty pageants. Our city hosted a beauty pageant and parade with a long and successful history until a little thing called feminism reared its head. Then things changed. As a result, the city leaders decided to forgo having a pageant for several years. Still, they eventually reintroduced it, and that was the year that I won.

QLife: What do you remember about the day when you won the title, Miss Richfield 1981?

MR1981: On July 4th, in the year of our Lord, 1981, I won the Miss Richfield 1981 pageant. It was fabulous! … Well, except for one — um — slight problem. There were 11 contestants, one of them, Trudy Olson, began twirling three flaming batons. She lost control. It wasn't pretty. Her flame-throwing took out the whole front row and caused a terrible fire. I was the only contestant to stop, drop, and roll, which is also how I do my hair. 

All the other contestants got up and ran into the audience like a bunch of crazies. I remained focused on what was necessary at the moment. I knocked each of my competitors to the ground and kicked them until their flames went out. Most of the girls were sent to the burn unit, a couple to the morgue.

When you're lit on fire, you'd be surprised how you might behave. You're not supposed to run when you're on fire. I mean, we learned that when we were children, right? 

That pageant had a rocky start, but it had a good ending. As the last remaining contestant, I received the title, Miss Richfield 1981.

QLife: How did the people of Richfield react to your winning the title? After all, that had to be a big surprise.

MR1981: For nearly 40 years now, the town has continued to raise money to buy me a bus ticket to someplace else. They raise more and more money every year. Each time I return home from performing somewhere else, I find a bus ticket in my mailbox. A free ticket to someplace else. Nice, huh? 

Don't get me wrong. Richfield clearly loves me, dearly. Sure, they want me to go away...anywhere else, frankly. But, I think that's because they want me outside of Richfield talking about how marvelous a place it is — so that people will know about Richfield and come visit. 

QLife: It's not surprising Richfield would want to leverage your popularity to increase tourism. After all, you've held the title of tourism ambassador for several LGBT communities. How does one become an LGBT tourism ambassador? Is there a crown involved? Or, at a minimum, a sash?

MR1981: It's much better than that. It's a check in the mail. The truth is, I can be purchased. You can put that in print! There was a time in my past when I probably wouldn't allow myself to be bought. But now, I'm for sale. On clearance, actually. So if anyone wants to write me a check, I'm here. 

That said, while cash-in-hand is always a good thing, there are other benefits to being a tourism ambassador. They give you free stuff. 

I served as an ambassador to Philadelphia in the past. I've been the ambassador for Palm Springs, CA, for several years. Both of those communities I love. And, that's a good thing. Can you imagine trying to get all excited and sell the value of a place you didn't like or a product you don't care for? 

I also get asked to star in some promotional videos, which can be a lot of fun. There's a pre-show video that I play at my shows that is super cute this year. I climb out of a suitcase. It's really fun. 

QLife: You must be thankful for the support of your sponsors. 

MR1981: You might think that there can't be much expense in what I do — after all, it doesn't look expensive. But, like Dolly Parton says, "It costs a lot to look this cheap." I say, "It costs a lot to look this disorganized," you know? 

The videos we make cost a lot of money. Our sponsors, companies like Orbitz and Atlantis, help defray the cost in exchange for promotions. This is a nice arrangement because when I've got downtime (and I'm not performing), those funds help us keep producing new shows. 

QLife: Do you enjoy being an LGBT tourism ambassador?

MR1981: My role as a tourism ambassador to Palm Springs is amazing. Don't get me wrong, I love many of the other places I get the privilege to visit, but there is something special about Palm Springs that you can feel. I don't know exactly what it is, but there's something about it — and California — that makes me feel right at home. It's such a friendly place to visit. 

I'm good friends with a bunch of the business folks there, including Molly Bondhus, who owned Wil Stiles, a beautiful clothing store I absolutely adore. Molly was the first person to hire me in drag. The first outfit I ever bought in drag was from her. She hired me to dance on the roof of her store during an art fair. I know I didn't get paid in cash. Instead, I got paid in products, which was great because I didn't have any wardrobe at the time. I had like two dresses and a bathing suit, you know? 

QLife: I've always admired your use of advanced information technology. Can you tell our readers a little about your love affair with technology?

MR1981: Well, technology and me have some history, I'm not sure it's a love affair. Do you remember when we were in high school, and you had punch cards that you would punch holes into? You had to deliver the punch card to the computer, and the computer would type out "happy birthday" or some other message. It was revolutionary. 

But, then came the Macintosh Apple IIe. After I got it, I remember thinking, okay, this is a great word processor. I can type, and I can detect and fix my mistakes. It was a far cry, however, from the electric typewriter from Sears I had in high school with the correction tape. 

When the Apple IIe came out, everyone touted it as the next big thing. They promised that one day we would use it to connect to all the world's information. At first, I thought, who is going to use this? I mean, if I want access to all of the world's information, I'll go to the Richfield library. Never, never in my wildest dreams did I foresee the way technology has impacted everything we do. And now, I'm online all the time.

QLife: The Apple IIe was a great machine, but it's not practical in today's mobile world. 

MR1981: That's why I recently purchased a laptop. It's a Radio Shack brand computer. It looks like a sewing machine. It's a little bit larger than a laptop, but it's portable — enough. I got a radio shack because I wanted to make sure I bought a machine from a solid, major brand name that I wouldn't have any trouble getting parts for should it break down.

QLife: Technology has dramatically changed how LGBT people meet and interact with one another. The COVID-19 pandemic has made it even harder for LGBT nightclubs and bars to survive.

MR1981: So many clubs have closed. It's really sad. I just feel bad for our kids. They may never get to experience the sidewalk sale we used to all enjoy, right? I remember working in the bar until one o'clock in the morning and then walking out onto the street where everyone was hanging out -- you know, making friends. At the sidewalk sale, you'd never know you might meet, but if you got lucky, you'd find someone you might like to go grab a malted and a grilled cheese. At that time of night, nobody cared what you looked like or if you were crazy sweaty from dancing all night. It was so much fun.

QLife: LGBT folks in the US tend to move from the smaller towns in which they were raised to bigger cities or resort towns that are perceived as more friendly and welcoming. You have remained in Richfield and didn't run off to someplace like Wilton Manors, Florida.

MR1981: Florida? Well, other than Broward County, I don't know what to do with that place. It's like, dear God, I just always tell my friends in the sunshine state to "Pull it together!" You can't hog all the smart people in one neighborhood; you have got to distribute them around the state.

If you want to make the place where you are from better and more accepting, then I say do not move. Stay where you are. The truth is we need you in North Carolina — and other less-than-desirable places. People will make fun of you for living in those places, that's for sure, but we need you there because we need voices all over the United States.

Sadly, sometimes, the homos, especially, they get caught up in the 'me, me, me' mentality and make a lot of poor choices that impact us all. They don't realize that they live in fabulous gay-friendly neighborhoods in New York and Los Angeles that are all-gay, all-the-time. But, that's not a reality for everyone in the country. Some of us remain where we were raised and become bright blue beacons of hope — working all over the country — especially in the red, red, red, red States to make life better for everyone. We need to acknowledge that and support the folks who stay behind. We need to help them, especially now.

QLife: The coronavirus pandemic has disrupted everyone's travel schedule. Where were you supposed to perform this year?

MR1981: The Triad Theatre, a wonderful venue in a real fancy part of New York City. It's not a real fancy theater, but it's a great place at which I was supposed to perform. I was supposed to perform in Philadelphia and in San Diego at Martini's Above Fourth. I was supposed to be at Palm Springs Pride. 

QLife: Your annual pilgrimage to Provincetown is legendary. Are you going to be able to make the trek again this year despite the pandemic? Is the city ready and able to help control and protect the crowds from further spreading the virus?

MR1981: Yes, I'm in P-Town now. I'm performing at Pilgrim House. We're taking all sorts of precautions to ensure everyone has a safe and good time. In the main section of town, where I perform, at least, there is not one person that you walk by that doesn't have a mask on. And, if someone might show up without a mask on, or if they don't have it on correctly, there's a mask patrol that will provide that person with a mask or advise them to wear their mask correctly. The police and city staff are on board as well.

QLife: Given the travel restrictions on congregating, how are things going in P-Town this far?

MR1981: The numbers are a little dismal for my show, but I am glad to be working. Normally I would do 60 shows in a theater that seats 180. Now I'm going to be lucky if I can do 35 shows with a 52 seat maximum in a gravel-like parking lot. Think Miss Richfield on the Rocks. That's catchy, right? 

In P-Town, they're very good at distancing people. I have to be 25 feet away from the crowd, which is a long-distance, but appropriate because I do a lot of singing. I can move a little bit closer when I'm not singing. To help us stay safe, we take reservations. When we set up the chairs, we set them up so that everyone is a safe distance apart. I can interact with the audience a bit, but we have to be very, very careful to be safe as well as entertaining. 

QLife: Before heading to P-Town, you managed to create a fun, interactive, digital experience with your existing fans called Bingo Bonanza. While playing bingo online with Miss Richfield is a hoot, one bingo player we interviewed told us that your online bingo events helped him overcome the empty feeling that being trapped at home with limited mobility creates. Did you ever imagine that Bingo Bonanza would contribute in positive ways to the mental health of our nation?

MR1981: That's interesting. Honestly, I didn't. I started doing bingo Bonanza because we didn't have any clue what to do in this situation. We started right after the shutdown. The initial thought was to provide an outlet for Miss Richfield 1981 to connect with people during the shutdown.

I am not used to being at home. That was a learning curve. Let me tell ya. I learned from others, like my friend, Miss Conception, who lives in Canada and couldn't come to work in the United States or travel to Mexico to work. So, she set herself up online. She and others really inspired me early on, and after witnessing their efforts, I thought, "I'm going to do that."

What I didn't imagine was that there could be a financial benefit to creating the Bingo Bonanza show. The ability to earn money from digital entertainment was both surprising and wonderful. Because so many people were so generous, I didn't have to file for unemployment. And, I was able to share the money we earned with the five other people it takes to produce our show.  

QLife: You have a great line of Miss Richfield 1981 merchandise. Has the pandemic damaged your supply pipeline?

MR1981: Yes, definitely, the COVID thing has impacted things. It put a dent in things for a bit, but we're working with some great suppliers in the Northeast US who are helping us get the store fully stocked of Miss Richfield 1981 goodness. But, if you're lucky, you can fill your cart with my newest bobblehead, t-shirts, and masks.

QLife: One of our readers, Brad from Toronto, wants to know, are your pearls real?

MR1981: Yes, like everything about Miss Richfield 1981, the pearls are real. But, they are also on approval. You can't see there's a price tag attached to the pearls that I tuck into the back of my hairline. 

QLife: Michael, from Indianapolis, wants me to ask you how you maintain such a flawless complexion? 

MR1981: Professional training and good clean living. It's hard to be a natural beauty.

QLife: Jolena from Monterey, CA asks if you have to deal with a lot of jealousy from the other stars in the industry?

MR1981: Constantly, constantly. Fortunately, my phone's been disconnected, so I don't get the calls, but I hear people are very jealous of me, especially now with this parking lot gig at Pilgrim House. Barbara Streisand probably has been trying to reach me to ask me if she can maybe do a guest appearance — we share the same birthday. Well, I mean 20 years apart for crying out loud. Yeah. 20 years apart to the day, April 24th. 

QLife: Frank from Fire Island, NY wonders how many bows you have in your personal collection? He also asks if you have considered creating a line of Miss Richfield 1981 bows? 

MR1981: Oh, my God. How have I never thought of this myself? First of all, thank you, Frank, from Fire Island, for the idea. I could just start by selling my own bows. I must have — and this is probably no exaggeration — a hundred different bows. I'm not sure if Frank means bows that I wear in my hair or bows that I use during my life saw performances (see Miss Richfield play Somewhere Over The Rainbow on a saw). I have about five bows for the saw, but I do have probably over a hundred bows for my hair. They come in so many different colors, and you can buy them at Claire's on sale two-for-one.

Here's some unsolicited advice. The smaller the bow, the better. Smaller bows just make your hair look bigger. I like big hair. So I don't wear big bows.

QLife: You've accomplished a lot in your lifetime. If you could accomplish just one big thing that you hadn't already, what would that be? 

MR1981: Ooh, I like that question. One big thing that I haven't already accomplished.

Um, Oh gosh, let me say that all of the things that have ever happened to me that are wonderful were because I met somebody who helped me accomplish those things. So my answer to that would be that what I would want to accomplish is to continue to meet more and more people. The more people I meet, it seems like the more interesting work I get. When this COVID-19 thing happened, my biggest saddest moments were due to being unable to meet new people. Those connections between us are necessary, and they have always helped me realize my dreams.

QLife: Trisha asks if you could provide one piece of advice for those younger LGBT folks, what would that be?

MR1981: That's easy. My advice comes from a story in the Bible where Jesus was having lunch with his disciples, that last lunch, where they were all sitting on the same side of the table, and things weren't looking good. And Jesus knew things weren't going to end well, you knew he already had that inkling that something was amiss, you know, he wasn't a fortune teller, but he knew something was, not going well. And so he had that last launch, and I remember him saying to his disciples these very wise words: "It's important to be nice, but it's nicer to be important."